A blessing and not a curse

It is interesting to see how the old Greek myths and the Old Testament have a very similar account of the creation of the world. They both begin with the heaven and the earth made in sequence, ending in the creation of man. But there is where their similarities depart. The Old Testament talks about how God made Eve to be a gift to Adam, his helper and companion. The ancient Greeks however taught that woman was made to punish man for stealing from the gods.

It's interesting how these two thoughts speak so much into the dichotomy that I feel within me.

You see deep down in the depths of my heart I believe that God created me to be a wife and to be a mother. He created me to be a helper to stand beside and be faithful. I believe that God has created me to be someone who cares deeply about the lives of others and knowing how to encourage them.

But then I wonder, do I have the capability to be loved? Am I worthy, or will I just hurt others instead. Do I only look at my own interests or do I look at others. Am I a curse or a punishment?

I don't think that Christ sees me as a punishment or a curse but as his bride. I belong to him. He wants me to love him and love his children. He sees into the depths of my heart and wants it to be whole. He sees who I am, who I was and who I will be, and while he continues to encourage me to grow he still takes me just as I am. Even on the days that I tell him that he is not enough for me and that I want more, he lets me know that he is all I will ever need.

Maybe someday he will give me the desires of my heart, and maybe not. All I know is that to every person I encounter I want to show others that I am a blessing and not a curse.

The Race of Faith

I woke up with such excitement. Finally race day, and I needed it so bad. A chance to get out and prove to myself and the world one more time that I had what it takes. To prove that even though life is not anything what I want or need it to be that I still have what it takes. Even though I will never be the fastest something just clicks when I race.

The race itself was abysmal. The swim, one of my strongest parts went well and I got to my bike ready to go. But ten feet into my bike ride my tire went flat. As I changed my tire, I watched hundreds of people pass me by. Some offered quick condolences and others completely in race mode only thinking about their time. My hopes of having a race that would make me feel better grew fainter and fainter with each person that passed me by.

The rest of the race did not go any better, and instead of the moment of victory I needed so badly I ran through the finish gates feeling defeated instead.

Ever since my race all I can think of is the verse in Hebrews that said run the race with perseverance, but it was not until today that I looked it up. It is amazing. In chapter 11 the author talks about all of these people of faith, and not just their faith but what God did as a response to that faith. As he concludes this historic chapter he commissions his readers. He tells them to run the race with perseverance, to follow the example of Jesus. Reminding them that if their Lord and savior could endure the cross that we to can persevere towards him.

So maybe it is not a good race that my heart and soul need so much, but some time with my Lord and Savior. Drinking in the truth of his love and cultivating my desire to be more like him. Remembering that all the true strength that I have comes from him.

Jehovah-Jireh

I was reminded today of one of my favorite stories of faith. The story of Abraham and Isaac. Abraham had been waiting forever for his son, the one that was to become the father of a nation. He had waited so long that he jumped the gun a little with a servant and subsequently birthed two nations. But that isn't my favorite part of the story. My favorite part is when God asks Abraham to sacrifice his only son as a sign of his devotion.

Just image it. You have a father and a son climbing up a mountain together (one that in my imagination looks suspiciously like Pikes Peak). The father has given the son a whole bunch of wood to carry, partly because he can't carry it all alone and partly to keeps his son's hands still. They begin the journey upward. Every step for the father feels as if he is walking through quicksand. He knows what his task is, and dreads it, but fears God more. The son walks a little lighter but is confused. Everything needed for a sacrifice is there except the sacrifice itself, it does not make sense but he continues anyway. At one point he turns around and asks his dad where the sacrifice is, to which his dad solemnly declares that the Lord will provide.

That right there is my favorite moment. Abraham does not know that God is going to give him a lamb. He has no idea that God is going to spare his son. He just knows that God provides. I have often wondered if maybe he thought that if God forced him to sacrifice this son that God would give him another, or if he had hoped all along that their would be a lamb in the end.

They got to the place of sacrifice. So Abraham did what he set out to do, he built the alter, and prepared his son to be the sacrifice. He took the very thing that meant the most to him and prepared it to be sacrificed. He took the son that he had waited so long for, the hope of a nation and prepared him for sacrifice. It was not until the very last moment that God stepped in and had an angel stop Abraham.

Jehovah-Jireh, The God who Provides.

I wish that I had the faith of Abraham. The ability to truly believe that God will provide for me however he sees fit. I look at my miserable attempts to sacrifice comforts and compare that to what Abraham and I feel ashamed, I mean really, giving up chocolate for a month is nothing compared to giving up a son. What is sadder still is how I actually thought I was strong enough to give up chocolate for a month, who was I kidding.

But that is the great part of faith. God knows me, and knows how hard I'm trying to put my complete faith in him. He sees my attempts and failures at sacrificing and takes them as the offering they were meant to be. He continues to mold me and shape me into the person that I am to become. Mostly though he provides. He provides me with a constant reminder of his love. He provides me with a hope for the future and healing for the past.

Jehovah-Jireh